Woes.

I've pretty much settled my uni choice down to Kings now - unfortunately, none of the sensible accomodations have an on-site piano.

This is worse than it sounds. There are a lot of speciful things in my life wot I am going to miss at university - the other 26 copies of The Picture of Dorian Gray (if I can only take one), my DVDs (particularly my Godfather boxed set), my videos (even more than the DVDs, because they are all second hand, and represent a diverse random slice of things I've watched on my own. Especially my retro TV collection - Robin of Sherwood, Danger Man, the Prisoner and Doctor Who), my teddies (ranging from my innocent childhood friends, to my more postmodern additions which all appear to have gained unsuitable names. Is it sick and wrong to subvert the simplicity of childhood by naming a blue bear Mr Blue instead of Bluey?) and my clutter (things like my red apple packet, model Globe theatre, et al). What? My friends and family? Oh yeh, them too I suppose.

In fact, the only named object in the house I'm going to remember to miss will be Megan. Megan is my piano - and like all my other precious posessions, very second hand. I take my piano playing very seriously - I've never had a lesson in my life, and practice a good hour a day, sometimes two, sometimes four. I am normally a kind, sharing, calm person - this never has, and never will extend to anyone playing the piano in the same room as me. I have a special loathing just for them. One of my dreams is to go and see a proper pianist in concert - no one else will go, as it is understandably dull. Another one is to be a proper pianist in concert, but my playing is nowhere near reliable enough for that. I can cope without Megan the same way I can cope without a DVD player - for about two weeks, and then I start to resemble Willard in Apocalypse Now.

In tribute to the absolute misery of a situation I find myself in - three years of key-less hell - here are some of the great piano movies and scenes wot come to mind - along with sheet music links where appropriate and possible.

The Legend of 1900
Pianist: Tim Roth
Well this is it, folks, the ultimate in piano-porn. There's not even a point in pretending this isn't about the piano, because it er...is. A musical prodigy who has lived his whole life on a cruise liner imparts his life philosophy, is generally wonderful and plays a lot of mean keys. It's a whimsical piece of sheer piano love. Has there ever been a film that has actually addressed the trauma of people about to be separated from their musical instrument? No, thought not. Or defined the wonder of music better? Probably, possibly, but 1900's epic end speech deserves a mention.
One to watch? Some people could be really annoyed by the ambling plot, but what the hell. It's gorgeously shot, inventively scripted and downright brilliant.
Piece to remember: Ennio Morricone's Piano waltz, sheet music available here

The Man Who Wasn't There
Pianist: Scarlett Johanssen
Superficially: a slow-paced noir about a little deciet spiralling out of control. Think Fargo In The Fifties.
Actually: features a charming subplot about a young girl with a piano, who claws her way through a veritable mix-tape of "Classics You Kinda Recognise", as well as a soundtrack culled from "The Best Classical Piano Hits...Ever". So its simplistic, yet it also suits the tone of the film perfectly.
One to watch? Though this is clearly very well made, I found it cold and hard to sympathise with. Others call this the Coen's finest hour. If you have time to watch something subtle and quietly hilarious, then definitely give it a watch.
Piece to remember: Beethoven's Pathetique, sheet music available here

The Pianist
Pianist: Adrian Brody. He won an Oscar, you know...
Superficially: the story of a Polish Jew whose life is screwed up by WWII
Actually: He's also a pianist (the clue's in the title) - this presumably is meant to be making a point about man's dehumanisation in war. Or something. It certainly makes for a very affecting piece of Chopin at the end, in a scene I couldn't possibly spoil for you. Though there's slightly less piano playing in here than you'd expect (our hero is, after all, on the run from the Nazis, and the piano is neither portable nor quiet), but when it comes out, it's wonderful.
One to watch? I'm hardly a good judge, I hate this sort of thing, but Brody deserves his Oscar, and it is pretty marvellous in its own downbeat way.
Piece to remember: Probably Chopin's Prelude in E Minor. The full soundtrack listing is here. Most of it should be free on the internet somewhere - why not start here?

The Piano
I haven't seen it. So kill me. I'm putting this entry as a placeholder until I have.
Piece to remember: The Heart Asks Pleasure First, by Michael Nyman. You know this song, even if you think you don't. The sheet music is available from all good music shops - cheapskates can download it here.

Three Colours: Blue
Pianist: Juliette Binoche.
Superficially: after a woman loses her family to a car crash, she cuts off from life
Actually: her deceased husband is also a great composer, who left his final masterpiece unfinished. Cue lots of lovely music which, incientally trivia buffs, was actually written before the film was shot. This is not as piano-specific as some of the above - you couldn't physically play any of the songs - but music is central to the plot.
One to watch? Oh yeah. It's French and arty, but don't let that put you off - the colours and atmosphere are gorgeous, the soundtrack is excellent and Ms Binoche is a stunner.
Piece to remember: none in particular


ALSO SEE
While these films aren't pianocentric, they do have one or two corking piano scenes to enjoy.

Casablanca
Pianist: Dooley Wilson
Superficially: a WWII love story
Actually: "Play it Sam, for old times' sake..." Ignoring, for a moment, the iconic "As Time Goes By" and the key position of the piano in the plot, this film also contains the brilliant musical stand-off featuring the Marsellaise.
One to watch? All too often, viewings of so called "classics" are accompanied by a cold appreciation and disappointment. This is not one of those films - its still as tearjerkingly wonderful as the day it was released. Not that I was around back then. Its twice as amusing and cynical as you expect, and an absolute joy.
Piece to remember: "As Time Goes By" *hums*, download the sheet music.

Road to Perdition
Pianist: Tom Hanks and Paul Newman in duet
Superficially: a father-son bonding drama set against the Irish-American mob during the Depression.
Actually: contains another one of those scenes in which the piano is used as one big metaphor - here to show the love and unity between mob boss Newman and his top guy, Tom Hanks. Gorgeous piece of music.
One to watch? Beyond that scene, this film is packed with great performances from its supporting cast - Stanley Tucci, Jude Law, Daniel Craig and Paul Newman are all brilliant. Tis a pity, then, it had to focus on the two least interesting characters. But what the hell - its well made, and well worth it for any time they're not on screen.
Piece to remember: Goodness knows what its called, written by Thomas Newman. I have created a sheet music version myself - ask for it, and I'll send.

For the time being, this is the best I can do:
http://members.tripod.com/jeanies_home_studio/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/road-to-perdition_the-piano-duet_int-sheet-music.pdf

Gosford Park
Pianist: Jeremy Northam
Superficially: a cluedo-esque murder mystery packed with gorgeous period detail and starring pretty much everyone
Actually: contains the aforementioned as Ivor Novello, and thus several scenes of him romancing the piano. Mr Northam is gorgeous, as is his piano, bringing the total gorgeousity up to quite a high level.
One to watch? if slow-paced period drama is your thing, then you'll love this portrait of all facets of the grand house party, from the guests to their servants. Of course, you might also find it interminable.
Piece to remember: nothing stands out, its all lovelyful - and I can't find any Novello free online.

The Others
Pianist: Keith Allen
Superficially: a Victorian ghost story
Actually: all builds up to a sequence which I gather was meant to be scary. And indeed, it should be, with etherial music playing of its own accord from the supposedly locked piano. Pity for them, then, that the piece they chose is one I love (and, incidentally, play) so badly.
One to watch? It's all very sub-Sixth Sense stuff - creepy children, jumpy violins and pale faces. I loved it, the whole design of the film is just gorgeous. The background music ain't half bad either.
Piece to remember: Chopin, Waltz, Op.69, No.1, downloadable here.

Man on Fire
Pianist: Dakota Fanning
Superficially: a vicious but heartwarming story of redemption and love between a little girl and a hitman. No, it's not Leon.
Actually: she plays the piano, so there's the odd bit on the soundtrack.
One to watch? Sure, if you've got a high wince threshhold. This is the perfect date movie - with sweet, emotional bits for your gal, and lots of explosions and bloodletting in the second half for your guy.
Piece to remember: Clare du Lune, Debussy

Blade Runner
Pianist: Sean Young
Superficially: a police assassin hunts down androids which look human
Actually: contains one of my favourite piano scenes ever, with Rachel's diegetic piano playing swirling in and out of Vangelis' background music.
One to watch? Definitely.
Piece to remember: Unfortunately, I've never found the sheets for this, or even what it is.

Top Gun
Superficially: action-fighter pilots show off in fast aircraft for two hours
Actually: see it for the "Great Balls of Fire" scene. Man, I've been hankering for a copy of the music ever since.
One to watch? As dumb fun goes, this is as good as it gets. Just do me a favour and watch it on the loudest sound system possible.
Piece to remember: Great Balls of Fire

About a Boy
Pianist: Toni Colette
Superficially: a lazy rich guy finds redemption when he becomes friends with a disfunctional kid
Actually: the leaping point for some of the most quoteable piano moments ever - "the worst part was when they closed their eyes" - as well as "Santa's Super Sleigh", the Xmas-cash in classic.
One to watch? If Hugh Grant is your kind of thing, then certainly. If he and his films irritate you, then don't switch off, keep listening. It's still worth a shot - the script is amusing and satisfyingly bleak at times.
Piece to remember: Killing me softly wiht his song

Just missing the cut
Groundhog Day - lots of piano lessons
Corpse Bride - piano duet
Commitments - most of it
Godfather - the piano interlude in the middle
The Blues Brothers - again, most of it

Now somebody give me sympathy!

Fade Out

OK, firsty thanks for encouraging comments and suggestions. I've made a list of them all, and as soon as Xmas is over I'll start keeping an eye out.


Last night, the parents went out, so in honest tradition I put an 18 on (it's a running joke between me and my sister now; it's happened three or four times at least. I know, I'm corrupting the young, so kill me...at least ONE of us is now 18...)

I decided three things. Firstly, you've got to watch a LOT of gangster movies to truly get them. I was pausing every few minutes to begin with to decode the lingo for my sis, who's not such a veteran. Something about the genre invites a barrage of street slang and racial abuse, most of which is vital to ones understanding of the film. Miss the meaning of the word "ice" or "snow", and you'll be in trouble when you have to work the plot out (by the by, "ice" generally means diamonds, and I've only ever heard "snow" as a drug reference. So now you know...)

Secondly, if I'd remembered The Departed had so much swearing and so much violence, I would have picked something more harmless. Like Clockwork Orange *sarcasm*. Honestly, though. I'm happy to stretch the rules to get my sister through a good film, but not traumatise her for life.

Thirdly, and most importantly. Doesn't it do its violence well. Film can do everything in any way its life. Violence runs the whole spectrum from The Matrix' victimless cool, via the sticky but good fun agony of Reservoir Dogs to the borderline-unwatcheable Irreversable.

All variations, but The Departed gets it right. It treads the perfect line between the entertainment value and the preaching of violent media. Let me explain.

Movie violence has to decide what it wants to do. Primarily, do you want to entertain, entertain and shock, or just shock. James Bond is a good example of the former - Irreversable the latter. Saw falls in the middle - it wants to disgust us, but wants us to enjoy being disgusted (think rollercoaster, and the fun of being scared witless) Pure shock runs the risk of people leaving the cinema and trying to get your movie banned; but there is a streak of irresponsibility in merely entertaining thrillers which present gunplay as exciting and without consequence.

The Departed strikes the perfect balance, and highlights the contradiction perfectly - because real violence is as entertaining as it is shocking. Contentious statement? People box, wrestle, street-scuffle, and take enjoyment in doing so. It sucks if you're being attacked (that's the shock yuck factor), but what does the attacker have to gain from it? OK, money you say, but don't deny that people enjoy hurting others. Especially in this context, among criminals and an assortment of scum.

As such, The Departed is exciting, very at times, just as it should be. The constant rock soundtrack helps not a little in getting you in the mood for some viceral bloodletting. At the same time, the speed with which an innocent scene turns around, the unflinching realism and unspairing detail rightly appal you. You do enjoy it - but not too much. I want to rewatch Goodfellas now and see whether it works as well there.

I suppose, to an extent, Mr Blonde has the same contradiction. But despite the number of people who switched it off, threw up, fainted, walked out or wrote letters to the paper, I still believe his moment of glory is glamorised more than demonised - at least within the film itself. I've a good essay about this waiting to come out...



And now, a special treat. I don't usually bother giving music away - it's not mine to give, and anyway, what I like others won't necessarily. It's also often hard to get excited about music from a film you haven't seen unless it's staggeringly beautiful.

Well, this is my definition of staggering, and this tune applies twice - to fans of both Michael Collins and Heat.

So here it is

This is Elliot Goldenthal's playout track for Michael Collins, a biopic of an Irish freedom fighter/terrorist and a film I thought I would loathe.

A little background - the English are ruling Ireland in 1916, as they have been since 1066 or so. Our heroes think Ireland should govern itself. They're not the first - various factions within Ireland have been attempting romantic but doomed open rebellions for years. But Michael Collins comes to promenance by kickstarting a insanely successful style of brutal guirella warfare instead, assasinating key figures collaborating with the British and keeping his own identity a secret.

I'm not sure why it moved me more than any other period drama of its ilk. Perhaps it's because they were shooting on genuine locations, and all ones I'd visited, that I felt an intensely personal connection to it (particularly the opening scenes of the Easter Rising; I've visited That post office, and That jail, and several of Those cells, not to mention Dublin Castle itself). Perhaps it was a cut above every other "freeeeeeeeedom!" movie ever made. And maybe it was just because the music was so darn good.

Good music lifts bad films, and can make anything enjoyable. The score is gorgeous most of the way, but then at the end, as the last shot fades, just lifts itself out of the sphere by playing something which perfectly accompanies that sense of numbed silence which certain films hit you with.

Films like Heat. Heat is supposed to be a masterpiece - perhaps it is, I need to see it again. But I felt I was missing something most of the way through. In fact, it was ten minutes from the end until I really got into it

And again, the music obliged by cradling my sense of shock in a lovely piece by Moby

What's the connection? Well, "God Moving Over the Face of the Waters" was not the first choice for the playout in Heat. This chap called Elliot Goldenthal wrote something for it as well, the same Elliot Goldenthal who later wrote for Michael Collins, with a track too good to waste up his sleeve. He removed the electrics and replaced them with a more Irish fiddle sound, and created (IMO) a masterpiece.

The thing I can't get over is how similar it is in feel to "God Moving Over the Face of the Waters", both in the way it is used and the sound of the music itself. Michael Mann certainly knew what he wanted with this one, rejecting one great piece for another very similar.

Anyway, here it is if you want a listen - for lovers of Heat, lovers of Michael Collins and lovers of great movie music. Perhaps you won't enjoy it so much out of context. I dunno. But this is my standard for a great movie tune.

PS - isn't Fadeout a great movie title waiting to happen? Perhaps it already has?

PPS - by now, I'm sure you know I'm an incurable Reservoir Junkie - my cold-turkey lent was a big struggle, and every now and then I just get the itch. The bug. Symptoms include spending long ours on Res Dogs fic Livejournals without reading any fic, or slash Livejournals while ignoring the slash, talking about nothing else, thinking about nothing else, blogging about nothing else and staying up far, far too late at night trying to find like-minded addicts on the web. Now you could say, "JUST WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE" or, if you're feeling really crafty, quote my beloved Oscar Wilde and tell me "the only way to rid oneself of a temptation is to yield to it". But there's a small problem...I love and listen to the soundtrack pretty frequently. When I get to
Stuck in the Middle with You, I normally smile. Sometimes I shiver, and today I had to skip it entirely. I've only ever watched the movie on "smile days"; I can't imagine getting to the end on a day when I can't even sit through the music. Such is life.