In defence of my top 12 - part 7, you guessed it...

In the absence of anything better to write about (haven't seen anything for...oh, too long) I thought I'd tidy up the next in my series of favourite films. As if you haven't heard enough about this one in the last few weeks...sorry...

In other news, I got summat published in the local paper! Well, mostly. I reviewed Inconvenient Truth because it suggested I do so in the credits, and I'm not in a position to buy a more energy efficient car or plant a tree. They've accepted it, and hopefully it'll be published before the local cinema club shows it in a few weeks time.

And finally, I'm doing a talk on conspiracy theories at the end of the week, which means I should really be revising my speech instead of typing. But my three most highly recommended conspiracy movies are:

JFK - the conspiracy that started conspiracies. Realistic, but very exciting. And stunningly edited.
Capricorn 1 - The 60's created the spy movie and the paranoid thriller. I think. Mostly. Anyway, this is a genu-ine 60's film about faking the Mars landings. Serious and almost tense.
Wag the Dog - the administration creates a fictional war to cover up the president's mishap days before the election. Expect lines like "the CIA cancelled our war!" and a hilariously familiar song entitled "The American Dream". It's such an amusing song, I can still remember the tune, since howevermany years. A wonderful satire on the media...

And now, here are even more of my unwanted opinions on...

7 Reservoir Dogs
A set of total strangers team up to rob a jewellry store. It goes horribly wrong. This is the story of what happens next...(and also before, due to the peverse chronology)

If I said the words “genuinely touching”, RD probably wouldn’t be the first film to come to mind. Yet…it actually is. Famous for its violence (which actually is nowhere near as bad as you’ve been lead to believe), the beautiful and affecting moments are almost universally overlooked. No one warned me about the pure humanity sneaking around between the swearing and bloodshed. But before I shatter the world with this shocking opinion, lets take a look at the obvious comments.


This is one of the easiest films I’ve ever watched. Scenes move seamlessly from one to another (take the beginning sequence – the breakfast conversation, broken up by a DJ who introduces the tune for the cheery credit sequence, interrupted by screams under the black screen. Absolutely mesmerising.) The whole thing is constructed with a throwaway care, which feels perfectly natural.

The chronology leaps from the messy aftermath to the meticulous planning, never quite dropping in on the robbery that went so badly wrong. This serves a double purpose. It blends the action and vibrancy 0f the pre-heist scenes with the talking and tension of the stuff in the warehouse. But a cleverer consideration: it keeps us on the level of the characters. Consider when Messrs White and Pink are discussing what went wrong. They disagree about the order of the alarm, the shooting and the police arriving. Their confusion is infectious, because as we weren’t shown the truth, we can’t correct them. They think there’s a rat in the house. Eddie doesn’t. Is there? And if so, who? We don’t know! We only learn details as they see fit to discuss them (Where’s Mr Blue?), and if they don’t bring things up we’re left without answers (Mr Orange’s ring?!). And on the odd occasion we do know more than the characters, it seriously enhances our interpretation of the scene – you can’t help but wince at the upsetting irony ladled under lines like “you’re not going to get hurt” when delivered in flashback, once you already know that...

Hardly what I’d call a tidy film (c.f. Signs), but the fact it’s fraying at the edges is part of its charm. The atmosphere is so raw – you feel literally, anything can happen. Not that I want to compare it, but you can tell PF has had buckets of thought behind it its construction – RD is so casual it could spiral out of control at any time.

And out of control means violence. “Gratuitous” and “unnecessary” are two words often applied to the bloodshed, presumably by people who’ve never seen Kill Bill (makes RDs look more like Clifford the Big Red Dog). I disagree with both descriptions. Especially as gratuitous kinda means the same thing as unnecessary anyway. A better description would be “realistic”. These are nasty people, they do nasty things and nasty things happen to them. It just wouldn’t be the same with a 12A certificate. For one thing, they’d have to chop the swearing, which is constant, but forgivable, with a rhythm of its own.

Everyone always raves about the music, and it’s worth a mention. The tunes are certainly catchy, and transform what could have just been a gritty and unpleasant crime drama into…a gritty, unpleasant and FUN crime romp. It reminds you it’s ok to laugh. Lots of films forget that real life is actually very funny; this one has stacks of amusing lines. The film is even narrated by the radio DJ, breaking up the action to introduce the next track. Usually, this is dubbed over for the audience's ears only - and it's a great moment when you finally hear his voice enter the movie world, introducing the little-known-not-at-all-infamous ditty Stuck in the Middle with You.

What have I forgotten? The acting. They’re all great. I love them all. Nuff said.

At the end of the day, this is that rarest of things: a brilliantly well made film which is brilliant fun to watch. Except from babysitting toddlers and entertaining mature relations, there are very few occasions when it can’t be enjoyed. If you’re sad it’ll cheer you up, if you’re angry you can get vicious satisfaction from the murderin’ and if you’re feeling sentimental…well, remember the “genuinely touching” thing?

Because at the end of the day, it all comes crumbling down because none of them know each other. It’s suspicion and distrust that causes the trouble (you mark my words!), and out of the middle of all of that comes a genuine split second friendship which just changes everything...

(Incidentally 1, I’m gonna sound like the biggest hypocrite in the universe here, but I can only think of a single plot detail which would significantly spoil your enjoyment of this film. I was pretty clued up on what was gonna happen and when, and it made very little difference whatsoever.)
(Incidentally 2, as goes City on Fire, I haven’t seen it and I don’t care. The fab-ness cast alone should justify forgetting this whole mess, even if you don’t forgive the plot pilferage. It’s them, and the audacious editing I like as much as the plot…and plus, no Little Green Bag!)
(Incidentally 3, as a girl it's a great film to have up my sleeve, just to suprise/impress/alarm people. It's percieved as such a male thing...)

Sum up the film in a moment: yeh, it does have to be the whole Stuck in the Middle with You thing. Arbitrary violence, coupled with a great tune and some very misplaced and bad taste humour. "Did you ever listen to K-Billy's Super Sounds of the 70s...?" The great (well, disturbing but clever) thing about the use of the catchy music is, just for a moment, you forget whose side you're meant to be on.
Best scene: Agh, three or four faves, but ten minutes and one character in common…I’ll go for Mr O leaving the house, to the encouraging coos of “he’s a foo-ool” from the radio. Not much talking (it is, after all, just one guy in a room) but the silence makes the scene. Doesn’t matter how many times I sit through it, I’m always willing him to pussy out…
Best line: Ye gods…er, this is pretty tricky. I could probably get it down to a shortlist of about…30, give or take about…30. My fave at the moment is Mr White’s delivery of “ha-di-f*ing-ha”, but it’s bound to change. Actually, it's probably "I told you I ain't talked to him! All I know is he's pissed!".
Favourite character: Mr Orange...by a total whisker, followed by whoever's talking. Seriously, very few films have characters with a 8-way tie on my affections. Serenity, perhaps. I love the Firefly crew equally. I know Mr O is pretty unpopular, but my heart breaks for him every time. Plus, he has better taste in films ("I'm trying to watch The Lost Boys!") than most of my friends...that particular film will feature in a later edition...
Special mention: The on-set paramedic charged with keeping one of cinema's lengthiest deaths on the right side of realistic.
Nerdy observation: we never learn "the professional" Mr Pink's real name; The only civillian killed on screen gets killed by the police. And she's pregnant; an aquaintance on the imdb board thinks the duration of the sequence in the warehouse can only be about an hour real time, but I think it's much nearer 45 minutes; in the opening scene, Mr W flicks a sweet wrapper at Mr Pink with his spoon. I just think that's cute
Best watched: for the second time.


Finally: a thought on the auteur theory. Perhaps you've reached auteurdom when it's physically impossible to discuss one film without referencing one of your others?

PS, well done Rob for getting the movie...

In defence of my top 12 - part 6

6 The Godfather
All my favourite films seem to be very tricky to synopsinise, eh? It's the epic tale of the Corleone crime family. Family in very much two senses of the word.

What is there that this film hasn't got? Aside from the RSPCA movie award, what prizes are going that it can't win? Lets start with the acting. Everyone always raves about Marlon Brando, and they're right to do so. Somehow his regal aura that affects the other characters trancends the screen. I certainly love and respect him as much, and there are an awful lot of people in the world who insist he's not such a bad guy...

...which he certainly is, he just doesn't look it compared to One Other Character in particular. The fact that...Michael is actually the main character...may be the best kept secret in the world.

Bad acting is all around us, folks, there are far more bad actors than good. But you never really notice quite how many mediocre performances there are until confronted by somebody like Al Pacino. That's the one that really blew me away, and I've been dead picky ever since.

As for the rest of the family, I just like Sonny. An awful awful lot. Tom is also a sweety, to the extent that I actually find Robert Duval quite hard to watch in anything else. Fredo's OK, but he really doesn't get enough screen time.

The script deserves praise if only on account of the opening sequence. It conveniently introduces all the characters, and their relationships. We meet Anselm the baker, and Lucy Mancini, both of which pop up briefly later. It sets up every single plotlet; even the final scenes occour as a result of it. Even the party going on outside while business continues within the Don's shady office sets the tone for a two-sided family. And it manages all this, while remaining entertaining. Geniuswork! The formula was so successful they repeated it exactly in the two sequels, in a very annoying way. The plot is richly complex, making it rewarding on a second watch. That's a nice way of saying I didn't quite get what was going on until I'd seen it four or five times. Does it matter? Hell no!

Most importantly, it's very very brown. This film has some of the lovliest cinematography I've ever seen. Suddenly, the world is bathed in these lovely, lovely golden browns. It lends the plot an even more nostalic feel, transforming an average crime story into an epic, and unpleasant criminals into wuvvy human beings. In fact, when last faced with purchasing sunglasses, I picked my orange pair because they make things "go Godfather"...

Good music? Check! This is the other factor in making the movie beautiful. The minute that horn comes in on the black background, you're just hooked. The whole album streams at this site (which unfortunately is currently threatening to close)

Problems? Oh, the odd one or two. It's very serious throughout, and Michael's costumes are totally unflattering. And you could argue that it's "boring" (though personally, it could have done with being longer...) Most glaringly, though, this is one of those films which is so darn great, it spoils all other movies for a patch of time. Because there's a dreadful niggling possibility you may never see anything this fantastic ever again...

And despite what you may have heard, it is better than part 2.

Sum up the film in a moment: "Do you renounce Satan and all his works?" "I do renounce them." (oh you sweet liar...)
Best scene: "Do you think I'd make my sister a widow?"
Best line: "Luca Bratsi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract."
Favourite character: ooooh, Michael...I've quite a history of falling in love with unsuitable and fictional guys...though I've got a lot of affection for Tom, Sonny and Vito too.
Special mention: for Michael's eyes. This, my friends, is proper acting. You can see his entire train of thought...then half way through, they just go cold. Absolutely dead. How the hell does he do it?!
Best watched: before you have to spend time with your extended family

That might be the worst written piece of work on this entire site ever. Oh well. It's made me want to see the film again now...It'd be great if all three were on the plane to New Zealand.

Me and me sister watched Ghostbusters last night. It's never as good as I remember it...we had it on more as background noise while we were unecessarily fangirly. She did Tamora Pierce and LOST art, while I continued my mini Guildenstern costume being made for an unforutante Ken which didn't hide fast enough. The costume looks fantastic. My only real problem is that Ken isn't quite...weedy enough? That sounds mean,

And now some shameless advertising. LOST ain't the greatest thing ever put on TV, but if you think it is then bookmark http://monsteratethepilot.blogspot.com/. It's my sister's new blog reviewing episodes and discussing the show- it hasn't quite cranked up yet, but she's a better writer than me so if you're interested, check it out.

In defence of my top 12 - part 5

5 Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
Two minor characters from Hamlet wander around offstage trying to work out what exactly is going on...only if that doesn't sound too appealing, you should still watch it anyway.

One of the first things I recall of Friend 5 is her asking me is whether I’d seen this film. A few years later, she got round to lending me the tape. Her family had recorded it off the tv when she was very small, and had redited it to remove all the slightly objectionable bits (of which there are very, very, very few) including the last, ooh, 20 minutes? You thought it was confusing as it was – well imagine seeing it with chunks randomly removed. Nevertheless, I was hooked, enchanted from the first conversation.

In fact, I still remember the three particular lines that got me hooked. Not that I’m going to repeat them, as you probably don’t care, but I was pretty quickly charmed. My advice for anyone watching it, is not to go in with any expectations, and don’t be too picky. OK, so it makes very little sense in places – one coin coming down heads 90 or so times?! – but the audience's consolation is that our heroes are just as confused. To quote the best review of the movie ever:

"Don’t understand the Shakespearian dialogue that breaks out every time Ros
& Guil appear ‘onstage’ in the play going on around them? Never fear,
they really don’t understand it either, and for the most part will spend the
next 5 minutes trying to figure out what everyone was just talking about..."

Kudos to the cast as well. They single-handedly keep afloat a film based entirely on its script – there is basically not a single bit of action for the entire thing. And it’s not Dr Seuss either – but they rattle off the confusing tounge twisters with such panache that they sound like they make sense. Even when they really don’t:

G -“and receive such thanks as fits a king’s remembrance.”

R - “Oooh, I like the sound of that. What do you think she meant?”

G -“He doesn’t forget his friends.”

R -“Would you care to estimate?”

G -“Some kings tend to be amnesiac; others…the opposite, I suppose. Whatever
that is.”

R -“How much?!”

G -“Retentive. He’s a very retentive king. A royal retainer!”

R -“What are you playing at?”

Very good question - I STILL have no idea what that particular exchange means, and I’ve seen it nigh on 12 times now. It’s like real Shakespeare – you look at it on the page and think “whaaa?”; it needs an actor’s inflection to give the words meaning. The true charm of this film is watching how the pair of them interact - Rosencrantz is unconcerned that the laws of probibility are up the spout, easily distracted by little things such as discovering gravity and appreciative of small beauties (i.e. a paper boat in a bathtub...). Guildenstern is, to virtually quote the character note in the play, perfectly aware that something very wrong is going on somewhere - aware but forcibly determined not to panic about it. G refuses to lighten up, R refuses to concentrate...they're both very sweet, in their own way, and as there's only ever two brief instances when they're in seperate rooms, that all adds up to an awful lot of combined sweetness. They're like children, in a way. And I want to give them both a very big hug...

And it’s a play about acting. That’s the wonder of it. On the surface, it’s a string of very funny lines. Alternately, you can go deep into the layers of meaning and metaphor, a la GSCE English analysis.

Finally, the directing is lovely. Elsinore castle has never looked more paranoid, with all the characters peering in on one another through innumerable barred windows and down secret trapdoors. This allows for some wonderful lighting too (when I get around to it, I'll add a screenshot...despite my unreasonably large collection, somehow I managed not to get a shot of the scene I'm thinking of)

Did I mention it was brown? This is a very, very brown film. One of Guildenstern's most beautiful speeches cut, but in the play, describes autumn as "a certain brownness creeping in at the edge of the day". Well they didn't need it in the movie, did they. The mis-en-scene does it all for them.

I always get suspicious of people who claim they’re the greatest fan ever, and I’ve never done it myself. But here I could almost make an exception – I am pretty damn obsessed, really. I shelled out about £30 for a second hand Dutch copy. And picking that particular screenshot from a collection of 414 took a long time. Don't get me started on my collection of 600+ icons...love it forever…

If my random babbling hasn't produced much of an impression (yes, the above paragraphs really were as badly written as you thought they were...) I direct you here. They're all good, but the review at the top in particular I always quote liberally when trying to pursuade people to see it.

Sum up the film in a moment: In R+GaD, a play based on the play Hamlet, the characters sit down to watch the play “The Murder of Gonzago”, in which the King and Queen sit down to watch a play performed by puppets re-enacting the murder of Gonzago, which in itself is a reenactment of Hamlet’s dad’s own death. A play, within a play, within a play, within a play. Although arguably, the other scene on stage (the Tragedians perform Hamlet as a comedy) – climaxing with the Player’s comment “eight!” – is just as important.
Best scene: Well it's not my favourite, but the best scene must surely be questions. Even people who hate this film (and believe me, I can name a fair few) perk up for this bit because it's just so damn amusing.
Best line: Are you kidding me?! I'm meant to pick a best line from all of that?! For now: "You would think that this would fall faster than this, wouldn't you?...and you'd be absolutely right."
Favourite character: As if you could choose between them…Guildenstern. See; BCSk
Nerdy observation: the first time they meet, the Player is wearing something similar to G’s costume. In the castle he’s dressed as Hamlet. But most disturbingly, at the end he is wearing precicely R’s outfit. Don’t ask me why…and in the actual play of Hamlet, R has significantly more lines than G - which is strange, as you'd kinda expect the opposite.
Special mention: the costumes!!! I love them so much I’ve made Ken-sized replicas.
Best watched: when you're starting to get pretty worried about a friend.

I'm feeling rubbish right now. I just got my film studies coursework back and I've got to watch the same five minutes of Alien over and over again bit.

The good news is that I've now seen Duck Soup (v. strongly recommended by a friend). The bad news is that in the last three days, at least four separate people have gasped "you've never seen the Wizard of Oz", and I've had to explain that I got too scared of the witch to see the end. So I'll have to see it...

And finally...team Herzog lost Screen Play again this week, despite cheating (I sign-languaged one of the answers over to my sister...) No time for more detail now...got to go sleep...I'm going to be old (well, 17...) tomorrow. Fingers crossed I'm gonna get my cadillac. Or spaghetti westerns boxed set.

In defence of my top 12 - parts 3 and 4

3 Signs

Can't sufficiently break down in one sentence...it's not about aliens...


One could say Sixth Sense was the first film I ever saw properly. They just don’t make that many good quality kids films. I mean genuinely well directed, well acted kid-friendly masterpieces. You don’t see the likes of Kevin Spacey and Baz Luhrmann introducing those of a tender age to the big wide world of decent film making. Perhaps they should?

Anyway, Sixth Sense was one of those films which changed my life. To start with, I began doing a running leap towards my bed at night in case a ghost was hiding under there to grab my ankle; but more importantly, it was staggeringly well made. What sort of trash had I been watching for the first 12 years of my life?! I don’t know, but that was the one which introduced me to great moviemaking.

But I never really loved it (too busy hiding behind cushions), and it was left to his second effort to sweep me off in such a way I still cry every time I see it. A student of Hitchcock, his films are one long Maguffin. Take Signs. About aliens? You couldn’t be more wrong. The existence of aliens is merely the trigger that sets the ball rolling. It’s about faith, and love, and hope and destiny and lots of other wonderful wonderful emotions, and that’s what makes his films so beautiful. Sixth Sense scared the hell out of me (as it still does), but when you look at it it’s really about how we deal with loss and letting go. This is what makes me so cross about MNS’ detractors who complain Signs wasn’t scary – it wasn’t meant to be. Anyone who thought Sixth Sense was just about dead people is missing the point. And perhaps, then, that was the problem with The Village. It had no deeper message. I liked it a lot more than the majority, but I still felt something wasn’t quite there. The title “Signs” sums up what he’s been saying all along.

MNS is best known for films which can only be seen for the first time once. After you get to the end and he’s revealed his latest ace, you never see it in quite the same way again. Most notably, in Sixth Sense, yes but Signs is as neatly plotted, and I don’t just mean introducing Morgan’s asthma and Bo’s water tick early on. When the dog gets ill, Graham mentions he’ll call so-and-so the doctor (implying not a vet). I forget how the rest goes, but it’s a tiny scene I’ve never seen the importance of, never even noticed, until today – when Graham visits Ray, there’s an establishing shot of his house. His mail box reads “R. Reddy – vetenarian”. It’s an afterthought of an observation. More crucially, Merrel’s throwaway remark near the end that they were gone, only leaving their wounded behind requires a second think after they go back upstairs. Every moment in this film counts – either it’s advancing the characters, or the plot. Period. No plotlets unresolved, no pointless conversation. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how you script a movie (see: Reservoir Dogs, starring in a later post)

Apparently there’s a lot of religious imagery in here too. I’ve only ever thought “last supper” when they’re picking what to eat, but I’m sure there are more. It’s a tribute to his skill he can put it in without banging you over the head with it.

What most impressed me the first time I saw this was the balance. It’s about as scary as I can handle, but there’s deep humanity there as well. It’s sad in places, tense, there’s even the odd amusing moment. It’s not about the scares dammit! In every other alien film I’d seen, the hero went out to save the world from invasion. The idea that someone was treating the genre seriously! And the hero just stays at home taking care of his own family?! I’d never seen anything like it. And it runs you through all the emotions, which are always sincere and never feel forced.

Everyone always talks about the twist. It’s become a guessing game to spot it beforehand. And there is a strange turn of sorts at the end of this, but you’ll feel cheated if you go in expecting it to be mindblowing. It’s a perfect reflection of the rest of the film – if you’re hating it, you’ll be pretty sceptical – but at that moment, I, for one, was ready to believe whatever he threw at me. Graham’s a secret crossdresser? Yeh. Totally. The aliens are a product of his split mind? That too.

I’m very suceptible to criticism. I don’t have that much faith in my own opinions, which is why I never read bad reviews of films I’ve loved, always end up agreeing with the opposition when arguing and haven’t seen this film for three years since Friends 1 and 4 mocked the hell out of it. The reason I watched it today was I wanted to know if it was actually all that good…three years is a long time, I’ve changed, and I feared it was on my list out of habit rather than genuine affection. Fret no more. I wrote an entire two pages about it, which looks like enthusiasm to me. It’s stunningly well made (cripes, I haven’t even mentioned the acting yet), and there are very very few films that still make me cry every time

Sum up the film in a moment: "Is it possible there are no coincidences?"
Best scene: Ray Reddy in the car. You may, at this moment, quote Ed Wood. “I write, direct, act and produce” “Nobody does all that.” “Just two people – me and Orson Welles”. And MNS. And me, as it happens, but I’m obviously lining up with Ed as opposed to Orson. He’s definitely attempting auteurdom. Here's some clues:

• He’s worked with the same composer 5 films running - James Newton Howard, long may it remain!
• He follows the auteur-actor continuation rule (Signs->Village = joaquin Phoenix. Village-> Lady in the Water = Bruce Dallas Howard etc).
• His films have a definite style and number of identifiable traits and ideas – the twist, yeh, but has anyone else ever noticed the theme of redemption through the supernatural? Or the inclusion of virtually unimportant sub-mystical traits (Bo’s “feelings” in Signs, Ivy’s ability to see auras.)

And now he’s appearing in his own films. I’ve heard a fair few detractors, but I don’t think that’s quite fair. Even before I knew it was his somewhat extended director’s cameo, I loved it. I just have a thing for the guilty, and his despairing delivery of “people who kill reverend’s wives don’t exactly get ushered to the front of the line in heaven” breaks my heart every time.

Best line: “Excluding the possibility that a female, Scandinavian Olimpiad was running around our house last night, what else could be a possibility?”
Favourite character: Bo Hess is so sweet, but I really did like Ray, on account of the scene.
Nerdy observation: fearing a nasty death, the Hess family all eat their favourite foods the night before. But did anybody notice that Bo had put on her prettiest party frock? It might even have been a fancy dress Disney Princess costume, I’m not sure. Still…very sweet…
Special mention: the music. Those three notes become your best friends during this movie. They dash from curious, to creepy, to sensitive, to all out wonder. Most impressively in the final song, where it actually does all that within two minutes without feeling messy. MNS says he always makes sure a film can work on its own before even considering music, which is commendable, but I’m sure it’s the tune as much as the images I’m sobbing over.
Best watched: when you’ve given up all hope in life.

4 Fellowship of the Ring
Nine heroes set out to destroy a ring which, in the wrong hands, would enslave the world

Sixth Sense changed my moviewatching life. FOTR actually genuinely changed my life. I was snotty before I saw it – and for a fair while afterwards, it must be said – but all that goodness had a positive effect on my personality. Which is why I’m not trying to condense it into best scene etc. It just IS. I just can’t analyse it the way other people can. I refuse to get drawn into conversations about its cinematic merit, because for me it’s always been more than just a film.


You can tell I’m one of the people who speak two dialects of elven, can’t you?




In other news... getting rather paniced about PJ being sacked. OK, I'm sure someone else will do the job well, but there's no one else I trust to do it as faithfully. Friend 3 has come up with a genius plan - she's taken out an Total Film subscription. I've had Empire for a year - we're going to swap them once we've finished. Last night I watched Pulp Fiction again while doing homework - it's really comforting. The pace is slow, the cinematography calm and it's thoroughly pleasant to have the words and music wash over while you work. Out of three friends on MSN messenger, only one asked whether I wanted to be left alone when I said I was watching it. I said no, but I think I need better friends...

In defence of my top 12 - part 2

2 Zulu
500 British soldiers attempt to defend a hospital outpost from THOUSANDS of angry Zulus.
Yeh, and that's it, and the bad guys don't even turn up for the first half of the film. It's all about the suspense. The location is fantastic - big and empty. The first time we see the Zulu army, they're arranged at the top of the hill and the camera just keeps panning and panning - it still surprises me quite how many there are. And when the reverend shouts "You're all going to die!", it just echoes and echoes.

I’ve always loved characters with a definite moral direction, whether it be Michael incarnation-of-pure-evil Corleone, or someone more like Jack pretty-good-but-still-a-bit-grey Vincennes. This film has a cast of heroes. Take the guy on the crutch, whose name I forget, who’s excused duty but still goes out to fight anyway. Or the injured men who crawl across the ground despite their wounds to distribute ammunition and do their bit. It even has a nice word to put in for the Zulus – in a film which could just have been outrageously imperialistic non-correctness.
It’s not perfect by any means. Some will scoff at the heroics (there’s a reason why I’ve never made my friends see it), or at the awfulness of the actual hand to hand combat, but that’s not the point. This is the way gentlemen should fight their wars.

Sum up the film in a moment: Men of Harlech...
Best scene: Bromhead and Chard's conversation in the burnt house near the end.
Best line: there are lots, but I'm gonna have to go with "If it's a miracle, Colour Sergeant, it's a short chamber Boxer Henry point 45 caliber miracle." (and yes, before you ask, I did have to check imdb to get the wording right)
Favourite character: First time I saw it, Bromhead (that's when I started liking Michael Caine) , but nowadays it's actually Chard.
Special mention: of the Britishness! It’s very Boy’s Own, back in the days when men were real men, who looked Death proudly in the eye and faced it with a stiff upper lip. As seen when a despairing junior officer exclaims, "Why us?!", and the redoubtable colour sergeant simply replies "Because we're here, lad."
Best watched: when England have just lost a major sporting event

In defence of my top 12 - part one

OK, so I thought I'd do one on my favourite films...started in an attempt to get them ordered satisfactorily for the empire poll, now an attempt to justify my decisions.

This isn't the list I submitted to the poll - this is just a list I'm comfortable with, where films come where they've always come because they always have. It's almost right, but not quite.
I worked the final out by considering pairs and working out what beat what. The easiest split was getting the top 7 or so in place. Any film that still felt vibrant and real compared came above RD, everything else went below.

The only really dirty fight still continuing is down between it and R+G (they’ve always been on the same level in my mind, and for more than the obvious reason. It’s the aimless script, the unimportant location, the way they all talk but never reach any definite course of action, the blend between the very very funny and what should be very very sad, and one or two other things which would act as spoilers for both). Eventually, I decided to just put R+G first as I've liked it for longer, and I'd feel veeery guilty admitting to liking RD more. Which I don't. Obviously. Oh dammit, I feel really bad about this...And as always, FOTR was clamouring for my attention – it’s so much more than just a film, it deserves special status.

I was going to do, like, five at a time, but they're big enough to be posts in their own right.

1 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Two out of luck bank robbers try to stay ahead of the law.

All I can say, it's my favourite film because it's the best film ever, not the other way around. I can't imagine a more perfect movie. The cinematography is lovely, it's very very brown, and the blend between lightheartedness and more serious stuff is perfecto.
The script is stuffed to the brim with wry asides and amusing moments, in this fantastic revisionist western. Whenever you think you’ve got a hold on things (the sherrif’s trying to raise a posse in the town square!), you really couldn’t be more wrong (…only the crowd aren’t stirred by the stirring speech and their attention gets stolen by a bicycle salesman). The Wild Bunch walk out to meet their fate; High Noon’s Sherrif stays to face enemies even when he doesn’t have to, because they feel it is their duty. Butch and Sundance get a whiff of trouble, and they bolt. It’s these delightful contradictions which make it no more than harmless good fun – Butch’s motto could be the line “just so long as we come out on top”. Or possibly, like the tagline, “just for the hell of it!”

The other factor in making it a merry watch is the 60s-ness. Etta’s makeup. The cheerily anachronistic script. THE MUSIC! Everyone always remembers Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, but what’s up with the random bomp-di-domp tune from Bolivia?
All in all, it’s got it all. It manages to be amusing and arty, proving those attributes are not mutually exclusive (Hollywood take note!), while dealing with a plot that in other hands, could have been a lot less fun.

Sum up the film in a moment: "Is that what you call giving cover?" "Is that what you call running?" Those two lines cover the rest perfectly...
Best scene: Butch being challenged for the leadership of the Hole in the Wall gang. "I don't mean to be a sore loser, but when we're done if I'm dead...kill him."
Best line: There are lots - the script's fantastic. So for now I'll go for this exchange. "Who's the best lawman?" The best, how? You mean toughest? Or easiest to bribe?".
Favourite character: Sundance is all gorgeous...mmmmmmmm. And his delivery is note perfect – half of my nominees for best line just wouldn’t work on paper, because it’s all in the way he says it. I think also, because I see myself in Butch (hare-brained schemes and talking ones way out? Hell yeah.), I always see Sundance as a friend.
Nerdy observation: After blowing the door off the train, the first thing Butch does is go and check if Woodcock is ok. They really are nice guys. If I remember correctly, they are only ever shown killing in self defense.
Special mention: I wanted to say the brownness, but it wouldn't have worked without the phenomenal chemistry between the leads. They don't exchange a kind word for the entire film; you just know they really care. Squeee!
Best watched: if you truly understand what Paul Newman meant when he called it “a love story between two men”, or what Robert Redford meant when he said “there are some friendships too great and strong to talk about.”