In defence of my top 12 - part one

OK, so I thought I'd do one on my favourite films...started in an attempt to get them ordered satisfactorily for the empire poll, now an attempt to justify my decisions.

This isn't the list I submitted to the poll - this is just a list I'm comfortable with, where films come where they've always come because they always have. It's almost right, but not quite.
I worked the final out by considering pairs and working out what beat what. The easiest split was getting the top 7 or so in place. Any film that still felt vibrant and real compared came above RD, everything else went below.

The only really dirty fight still continuing is down between it and R+G (they’ve always been on the same level in my mind, and for more than the obvious reason. It’s the aimless script, the unimportant location, the way they all talk but never reach any definite course of action, the blend between the very very funny and what should be very very sad, and one or two other things which would act as spoilers for both). Eventually, I decided to just put R+G first as I've liked it for longer, and I'd feel veeery guilty admitting to liking RD more. Which I don't. Obviously. Oh dammit, I feel really bad about this...And as always, FOTR was clamouring for my attention – it’s so much more than just a film, it deserves special status.

I was going to do, like, five at a time, but they're big enough to be posts in their own right.

1 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Two out of luck bank robbers try to stay ahead of the law.

All I can say, it's my favourite film because it's the best film ever, not the other way around. I can't imagine a more perfect movie. The cinematography is lovely, it's very very brown, and the blend between lightheartedness and more serious stuff is perfecto.
The script is stuffed to the brim with wry asides and amusing moments, in this fantastic revisionist western. Whenever you think you’ve got a hold on things (the sherrif’s trying to raise a posse in the town square!), you really couldn’t be more wrong (…only the crowd aren’t stirred by the stirring speech and their attention gets stolen by a bicycle salesman). The Wild Bunch walk out to meet their fate; High Noon’s Sherrif stays to face enemies even when he doesn’t have to, because they feel it is their duty. Butch and Sundance get a whiff of trouble, and they bolt. It’s these delightful contradictions which make it no more than harmless good fun – Butch’s motto could be the line “just so long as we come out on top”. Or possibly, like the tagline, “just for the hell of it!”

The other factor in making it a merry watch is the 60s-ness. Etta’s makeup. The cheerily anachronistic script. THE MUSIC! Everyone always remembers Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, but what’s up with the random bomp-di-domp tune from Bolivia?
All in all, it’s got it all. It manages to be amusing and arty, proving those attributes are not mutually exclusive (Hollywood take note!), while dealing with a plot that in other hands, could have been a lot less fun.

Sum up the film in a moment: "Is that what you call giving cover?" "Is that what you call running?" Those two lines cover the rest perfectly...
Best scene: Butch being challenged for the leadership of the Hole in the Wall gang. "I don't mean to be a sore loser, but when we're done if I'm dead...kill him."
Best line: There are lots - the script's fantastic. So for now I'll go for this exchange. "Who's the best lawman?" The best, how? You mean toughest? Or easiest to bribe?".
Favourite character: Sundance is all gorgeous...mmmmmmmm. And his delivery is note perfect – half of my nominees for best line just wouldn’t work on paper, because it’s all in the way he says it. I think also, because I see myself in Butch (hare-brained schemes and talking ones way out? Hell yeah.), I always see Sundance as a friend.
Nerdy observation: After blowing the door off the train, the first thing Butch does is go and check if Woodcock is ok. They really are nice guys. If I remember correctly, they are only ever shown killing in self defense.
Special mention: I wanted to say the brownness, but it wouldn't have worked without the phenomenal chemistry between the leads. They don't exchange a kind word for the entire film; you just know they really care. Squeee!
Best watched: if you truly understand what Paul Newman meant when he called it “a love story between two men”, or what Robert Redford meant when he said “there are some friendships too great and strong to talk about.”

Death by long edit!

First draft of film studies coursework due by Friday. Argh!

Let me explain the brief. We've got to do two different pieces of coursework, one on narrative structure (and if you know what that means, please somebody tell me) and one on micro-elements (that's editing and lighting and stuff). One of them has to be rom com. One of them has to be horror. Well, no, they can be any genre, but our teacher just so happened to choose my two least favourites. Which sucks.

Especially, as far as I understand the narrative one, I know I have a great essay in me about how Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid subverts the genre expectations of the western. I'd focus on fifteen minutes in the middle, after the train robbery. The sherrif is trying to raise a posse - unlike your horse-opera, he fails and his stand is taken over by a bicycle salesman. And to rub salt into the wound, our heroes aren't "halfway back to Hole in the Wall already", they're sitting nearby and eating it up with a spoon. Next scene - Sundance and Etta. Again, when he turns up in her room it leads you to expect the worst, but again it leads us down a blind alley. I'd finish with the "Raindrops Keep Falling On my Head" bit. One of the most romantic scenes of all time. Between Butch and Sundance's girlfriend. Surely that can't be right.

I could even mention Sundance's response to seeing them together:
S (threatening?)- "You stealing my girl?"
B - "Yeh, what about it?"
S (after a pause, in which we expect them to fall out, or argue, or kill each other) - "...take her..."

The whole premise of the film is "wrong" - our heroes are being hunted by the law, but unlike all the other Western Heroes, who stand their ground, they turn tail and bolt.

'Tis a crying shame, because it'd be great. But oh well, that's the second essay.

No, the most pressing concern is the "micro-elements" one. Now, we're doing rom-com and horror, and we can write either essay about either genre. But it makes far more sense to do the story of the rom com and the ministudy on a suspense sequence from a horror film; I just can't see it another way around. Though actually, I feel quite a good macro essay on the horror film I finally picked coming on.

The precice instructions - I've got to pick on one or two aspects of filmmaking, such as mis-en-scene/lighting/camerawork/whatever and pick a 5-7 minute sequence where they're used to great effect, to create suspense or something similar.

Anyway, as you may know I don't like horror movies. The first seven minutes of Scream and the first half of Psycho, as watched in the lesson, are about as much as I can take. I had a look through my family's meagre collection, and drew blanks. The scene from Sleepy Hollow (when the horseman comes to the house with the little boy) was far too short, as were both bits from Sixth Sense. Ugh! I gave up on The Others. Because I had other homework to do. And certainly not because I chickened out of watching the second half. Certainly not.

I consulted my parents, and dad said - "What you need is Alien." I nodded dutifully, and felt a bit bad as he rung round all his friends and workmates to rustle up a copy, then went into town and purchased the whole Quadrology boxed set. So I watched it last night, and it was quite good - the Nostromo is obviusly designed by the same company who built Sam Lowry's city in Brazil, all pipes and steam and wires. And ducts ("Ducts...why does it always have to be ducts?" to quote Sig. Weaver in Galaxy Quest.) Though I must say, standards are "slipping" in the world - no way was it 18 material. 15, surely, by these days standards?

One day I'm gonna make a bumper list of the scenes everybody knows. You know, the Shower Scene. The Bit From Battleship Potempkin. The Ear. The Horse's Head in the Bed. Singing in the Rain. Rosebud. Nobody's Perfect. And from Alien, the scene over dinner...

And now I'm watching the same few minutes over and over again, in which a minor character goes off in search of a cat and is menaced by a series of scary loooong edits. I'll post the whole thing when it's finished properly.

PS - OK, so I was bad. After a few dedicated days of standing next to people with streaming colds I realised my immune system was just too strong, and I'd be lucky if I got another day off this side of April. In case I hadn't mentioned it before, I decided twice in a week for one film was far too much and I'd wait till I was next ill to watch this again. And I did wait a week, ok? I saw it last Tuesday and I managed till Wednesday before giving up. Though I was right to want a day off. I saw the first hour (right up until Mr Blonde shows them what's in his trunk) before tea Wednesday, then hung around for another hour in the hope the person who'd stolen the tv would let me have it back They didn't. I then spent the rest of the evening with a friend; I pity them, for I was rather...twitchy. But not as twitchy as this evening, in which I came home late from school and watched the second half over tea (yup, you heard me, over tea. Not the best five minutes to pick, I know...). Well, I say second half. I watched all of it until the last, what, 40 seconds when they dragged me out of the house to spend an hour in another friend's company. And then when I came in, I watched the very very very end. And I sat through the entire credits, to make switching the TV back on seem worthwhile.

Comments? Well, this time I really did grin all the way through. The lines are just so great - Eddie's retort that Mr White has become Mr Compassion sticks in my mind along with, oh, every time Mr Pink opens his mouth to speak. Though I've come to a decision. The slight unease I felt from the end of Mr Orange's flashback onwards was not caused by continual thinking about it. It's because I genuinely have issues with the ending. Perhaps it just feels...too contrived...or the scene between Marv and Freddie is just unbeatable and it's all downhill in the warehouse after that...or maybe it's because the flashback's so good, and I get so into it that coming out's a disappointment...or possibly ending the flashback with Messrs O and W in the car from the start again is too big a jolt...I have no idea whatsoever. It just doesn't feel satisfying.
Updateish: after continuing to think about it constantly, I think it's because every character, every line and situation apart from Orange is played for laughs. Think about it - he only has serious lines in a script full of screamers, and his scenes are alarmingly comedy free. That's not bad, it's just that having such a chunk of sustained seriousness affects me so much that it feels weird going back to the warehouse.

A little more film education

Today we started on sound in Film Studies, which was pretty interesting. We started off with diegetic/non diegetic sound. We saw a clip from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, a clip which in no way inspired me to watch any more. You know that thing when a character says something dramatic, strides off and then his partner makes a remark, character turns back and says something else even more dramatic before striding some more? Well we watched a scene between the captain and his first mate, and this happened five times in a row - no fooling.

Anyway, for those of you curious and dim enough not to know what those long words meant, diegetic sound is sound within the movie world - though not necessarily on screen. People talking, birds tweeting, cars passing...whereas non-diegetic is anything the characters can't hear, such as voiceover or music. Though not music from a radio. You mean to tell me you didn't know that? Well my my...shame on you...

The real dielemma comes when dealing with, eg, imaginary friends in imaginary friend movies (I could name some, but I've a spoiler free policy) which only some people can hear...or what about the accompaniment in musicals, like Moulin Rouge?

This made me particularly cheery because we watched a bit of Once Upon a Time in the West's opening - the dialogue-free opening until the train turned up. Which was great, but then I wanted to see the rest of the scene...

I was trying to untangle the infamous baptism montage in the Godfather earlier, which was a thorough mess. The music is obviously non-diegetic, but the priest's voice flickers between both depending on the screen and it's all too confusing...this one's easier...

So that's a wuvvy bit of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and it shows off the types of sound quite nicely - they chat (diegetic sound) and then the music kicks in, which I jolly hope they can't hear (non-diegetic sound). The scene I really wanted to find was the prologue from Fellowship of the Ring but unfortunately I wasn't prepared to wade through 400 pages of fan videos and bad parodies on youtube to find it. But that's an interesting one, with voiceover, music and diegetic sound - concurrent or consecutive.

We also learnt about sound bridges, which I'd never noticed before cos they're kinda dull. That's when you hear the sound of dogs barking a split second before you see the dogs on screen - it links scenes together, and is pretty clever but not as fun as the final thing we learnt - that's parallel and contrapuntal sound.

Parallel music is basically when the images and the music match up. Contrapuntal is when it doesn't. The clip above is 100% parallel music - it's a cheery, sunny scene accompanied by the most affable music imaginable. Whereas, for example, if somebody should choose to torture a policeman to, say, "Stuck in the Middle with You" *cough*, that would be contrapuntal music. Savvy? Now I'm pretty sure that clip would be relitavely easy to find, but I probably shouldn't seeing as it's probably cheating...though I already know what happens...and having seen half of it...(it was on one of these "top 200 scary moments" things; it also was the point at which I got sent out of the room and so the two seconds of knife not yet connecting with ear have engraven themselves rather deep. After all, you never forget a film you see half of...) but debate aside I'm not going to find it - instead, here's a bit from Shaun of the Dead which is also pretty much spoiler free, though the very brief flashes of zombie may freak some people out:

Zombies! Scary! Terror! Queen! That is the very essence of the contrapuntal soundtrack...now I think of it, lots of great scenes are made great by the odd but fitting choice of music. My review of The Third Man suffered greatly from the lack of the word contrapuntal - but now I can use it, may I add the slightly odd contrast of cheery zither/bleak noir works great.

My friend was pretty happy too, because they showed us a clip from Trainspotting, when he's preparing to quit heroin to the sounds of Carmen, and she loves it. So all in all, all was well.

The joy of film studies is it teaches you things you already know in principle; it just informs you that some clever chap has invented a long word for it.

In other news, a jolly nice person posted links to www.garyoldman.info on my friendly neighbourhood Rosencrantz and Guildenstern site (look, it's an active community of people just about as obsessed as I am (I have over 600 icons on my system...so in love...); I can overlook the slash side. Not that I mind, it's just...I'm a fan of the "they don't exist" school, called into existence and given no time for anything else. There's something not right about the way they communicate - they don't even articulate their friendship, let alone anything else. Plus...it's much sweeter when it's only implied...*sighs*...), in particular the interviews from the R+G dvd. Because they're jolly hard to get hold of, my copy's actually Dutch and came without extras. Woes! Anyway, here's the most interesting things gleaned from that:

--> originally, the interchangable sweethearts were actually cast the other way around - which is a hell of a mindwarp. I pride myself on my imagination, my unfailing ability to add bungee jumpers to the Argonath and actually nudge Robert Redford into the Godfather (which only a series of lucky accidents prevented him from being in). Well this is one scenario I simply cannot visualise, and believe me that's unusual. Still, interesting, eh?
--> To complicate things more, he adds he thinks he could have played Hamlet pretty well...
--> they had such a lot of fun that they did lots of rehersals. In their spare time as well. And sometimes when they were just hanging out at the pub etc. And sometimes when they'd actually already shot the scene, just because it was such fun. OK, so you guys might not quite sympathise with how utterly wonderful this is, but I certainly think it is very sweet...

In fact that's just about it...PS visit the Film Experience Blog, I just found it today and it's a nice site...

My IMDB top 250

I saw someone do this on the filmwise site, and thought it had meme potential. So here we go, taking into account my age and the fact I live in a small area with bad dvd shops and my parents get suspicious of internet ordering drumroll please...


So far I’ve seen movies from the IMDB top 250.

5 movies that I think should not be in the IMDB top 250. (Random Order)
1 Vertigo (I'm sorry, but you know how I feel...)
2 Finding Nemo (The visuals were absolutely great. Just like Underworld. The stunning water effects did not make up for the slightly lame plot, dull script and charmless characters. Unlike, for example, Toy Story which not only was very impressive, but had spark as well.)
3 The Pianist (good, but not that good...)
4 The Incredibles (Pixar grudge? Nah...)
5 I'm getting desperate now (I haven't seen all that many after all), and I'm gonna go with Million Dollar Baby. I saw it on a plane, which never helps, and though I quite enjoyed it...it was a bit...like The Pianist it just didn't have that stunning factor some of the others have. Occasionally you just see a film, and you know you're in the hands of a master. This is not one of them.
6 Thought of another one - Finding Neverland. It's not even all that good...

5 movies that I think should be in the IMDB top 250 but are not. (Random Order)
To be honest, I can't think of any. Wait, is Moulin Rouge in there? Should be...

The best 5 movies that are in the IMDB top 250 are: (Random Order)
1 The Godfather (part 1)
2 L.A. Confidential
3 Once Upon a Time in the West
4 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
5 er...er...well there's Memento, Eternal Sunshine, Twelve Monkeys and Brazil all on that list and I can't choose...ok, as I can't decide and they're all a similar sort of film, I'm gonna go with something entirely different - Hero, or whatever the Mandarin translation is.

The last 5 IMDB top 250 movies I’ve seen.


The next IMDB top 250 movie I am going to see.
No idea. Probably Harvey - I've got it on video, and I may get around to seeing it sometime in the next...year...

The most disappointing IMDB top 250 movie I’ve seen.
Vertigo. As you've been told so many many times before. And Seven Samuri, but I don't really want to talk about that.

IMDB top 250 movie I really have no interest in seeing:
The Shawshank Redemption and Schindler's List. Both at the top. What a tragedy for me.

11 IMDB top 250 movies I really want to see (virtually random order)
1 Reservoir Dogs (duh...)
2 Fight Club (ditto)
3 The Third Man (Just because. There was a really good reason why this has lodged itself in my mind as a must-see, and I cannot remember what it is...)
4 OK, now what. Well those are the three I reeeeally want to see, lets have a look at the rest of the list. Well I've cut it down to a shortlist of 8 more...ah hell, I'll list 'em all. The Usual Suspects (Kevin Spacey, right?)
5 American Beauty (Kevin Spacey. Agan.)
6 The Good The Bad and The Director Who Just Can't Handle Tiny Titles (The also irritatingly titled Once Upon a Time in the West is responsible for this. Gotta see more of his films!)
7 Once Upon a Time in America (ditto!)
8 Leon (Gary Oldman and 5 separate "for your consideration" posts on the Empire board, when every other film had one or less)
9 Strangers on a Train (Friend-who-likes-12-Angry-Men recommended it)
10 The Big Lebowski (Er, I dunno. The tagline is v. cool)
11 8 1/2 (Partly so I can say I've seen it, and partly so I can understand the "My Life in Film" episode based on it)
(oops forgot Das Boot and Seven Samuri)


I'll have to update this in half a year. Oh well. I'm going on holiday tomorrow, to France. I've been told I'm not to touch the new family video camera and I'm not allowed to direct the holiday film. Which sucks. We're going to Dinard's medieval fayre - the entire town dress up, apparently. My dress is absolutely fab, and it'll be two wonderful days of quoting Robin Hood and Excalibur at anyone who'll listen. Au revoir, mes cheres amis!*



*Cinecism&co. are not responsible for the foul quality of the French found in said blog, and disown all bad uses of the masculine plural whether they are being bribed or not.

It's war!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's put the music on before we start, cos I'm gonna get CROSS!

That does it. That absolutely does it. I declare war on Roger Ebert.

It's been quite a while coming, and I did have respect for him, like, when I recommended his website two months ago BUT that has all changed now.

And it's not like I don't mind people having their own opinion.

But he is too small minded. Far far far.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19910315/REVIEWS/103150304/1023

Hmm. Read it, do not believe it. In fact, don't even read it. The gist is he doesn't like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, which is fair enough. You either love it or you hate it (or, as someone on imdb said, you either love it or havem't heard of it).

But he has no excuse to give it 0 stars. o stars?!. A bit extreme...he says he likes the original play, the script's virtually the same and that's worth a star at least.

"No, I think the problem is that this material was never meant to be a film, and can hardly work as a film."

A moral objection? True, it's a play about a play, which contains a play. Indeed in the film there's the play of Hamlet, then there's the play of R+G, there's the Murder of Gonzago, there's the play in the Murder of Gonzago and there's the other play the Tragideans do. So five plays in total. Hmmm. And I can see where he's coming from. I get het up about adaptions which I deem to be "morally" wrong. So I allow him that.

But he also contradicts himself pretty badly, and is unfairly harsh with the rating. He claims to like everything about it, the script, direction and acting, accuses Richard Dreyfuss of scene stealing and after all that still gives it 0 stars over a moral objection. If there are some good things, at least give it half a star.

I for one think they get the feeling of "behind the scenes" very well. Peering in on minor scenes through small, barred windows; light drifting in at strange angles; arriving at highly similar but definitely different rooms in an utterly confusing manner. Even on the boat at the end, they are separated from Hamlet by yet another barred window.

Ah well. To tell you the truth, I can understand how someone could dislike it. On the other hand, one I do not understand is this one:

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19691013/REVIEWS/910130301/1023

I genuinely thought no one could dislike this film...disappointing and slow? Are we even watching the same movie? He's evidently got some taste, he thought The Godfather was good...though that's not a very glittering recommendation, as it's a "classic" he's bound to enjoy it...my problem is the tone of the review isn't consistent with the rating. BC+SK got 2.5 stars (I can't bear to type it!) and he slaughtered it. Unbreakable he praised and was quite enthusiastic about, and gave it only half a star more. One of those ratings evidently isn't right - um, he's lying. (By the by, this is not an attack on Unbreakable - I loved that film. I simply mean that if he hated one and loved the other they should be further than a star apart...)

I don't know how he can criticise the tone either. The cheerily anachronistic script is what gives it much of its charm. He likes the script of the first half, yet a few paragraphs later he says he gets bored in the quiet bits. And then at the end he says the film would have been more engaging if they spoke like they were from 1910 instead of 1967. Make your mind up!

Lets see what he thinks of Signs....my God he likes it! OK, so I forgive him a little, I was starting to believe I was the only one who liked it.

I said a little. I'm still mad. Very mad...hey, I haven't used my Angry-Al blinkie yet! Gosh, I can't believe I didn't think of that! Ah well, I've calmed down a bit now anyway...grrrr.

On a lighter note, and one including helicopters, http://www.rotaryaction.com/ is a cool site. It's run by a helicopter-movie nut, who lists films with helicopters in and reviews the biggies, like Apocalypse Now. They were overjoyed with Black Hawk Down...

Finally, do you like the new banner? I thought so too...and the name? Genius!

Bitter poetry

So now I've calmed down a bit about this, let's be rational. It's only in the pipeline and may never happen.

You know, I spent quite a long time casting the Godfather remake for my own bitter, twisted amusement (Clooney is Vito! Bloom as Michael!), but it was rather petty and didn't really work.

I also turned to poetry, but it wasn't very good. Though as nobody reads my blog, it wouldnn't hurt to reprint it here:


While you're at it, also see the plans for Citizen Kane
Orson Welles' is a bad director
and it's so dull! Lets add a car chase, a few fart gags
and make Rosebud a siren in a red dress.

Casablanca's next in line
It's pretty dated too
She's a secret agent for the French resistance!
Let's add lots of steamy sex scenes!

I'm thinking about marketing
What about a special edition very expensive Battleship Potempkin pram?
A limited run pampering gift set with Fight Club soap?
A "here comes the Bride" Kill Bill Barbie for the kids?

Lets remake Zulu with Americans!
The Mission with Satanists!
The Birds with Aliens!
Schindlers List has such great comic potential...

You know, if we cut the fights, the force
The Death Star and the Jedi
Star Wars might be a half decent film.



OK, so it doesn't rhyme and I've seen only three of the movies referenced. However, I was in pain at the time and it was this or the vases hitting the wall. In retrospect, mass destruction might have been a better idea.

Hmmm...



Much better...

You all know me, I’m sure, as a nice calm…relaxed…unflappable person but WHY IN THE NAME OF HELL CAN ANYONE LET SUCH A TRAVESTY OF CINEMATIC JUSTICE TAKE PLACE?!?!??!?! WHY THE HELL COULD ANYBODY EVEN CONSIDER DOING ANY SUCH THING AS THIS AND I HATE THEM ALL SO MUCH!!!!

I could have handled anything else but this. I would have been peeved if they’d announced the Zulu remake. I’d have been amused if they’d announced the Godfather remake. But this really gets my goat and I WANT TO KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, why?! I spend my life watching good movies, yet in all my many years I have seen only one film which I would describe as “perfect”. Yes, more so than the Godfather! Great acting, script, direction, lighting, a wonderful plot which perfectly mixes humour with seriousness, that unbeatable chemistry and more than anything else the BEAUTY – that wonderful blend of browns which could never ever be replicated.
Robert Redford has confirmed it, and he says he’s “deeply disappointed”. I love that man. Fine, mostly because he’s good looking, and Sundance is incredible, and he supports independent film – and he knows exactly what all of the rest of us know, that this remake (I shame myself to call it film) is a waste of time and is going to be CRAP!


I want to cry. In fact, I think I’m going to. OMG I’m crying – this is how ticked off I am!


I haven’t told you the whole of it yet. Just to rub salt into the wound, who’s currently attached to such a project? George Clooney and Brad Pitt perhaps, ok chemistry in Ocean’s Eleven, and Pitt is pretty Redfordesque. How about…in fact, I can’t think of any other good pairings so lets’ cut straight to the chase and say that if I ever meet Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, I am going to knife them immediately. To stop the remake if I meet them first; to avenge the original if afterwards. Right now I feel I could actually do it.

http://www.bad-good.org/affleck.php Get the point?!



Can you imagine it…? Right now our heroes have abandoned their horse, are preparing to fight the enemy, our Ben suggests jumping into a river to escape and our Matt replies…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I can’t stand this. I’m going to shove my head down a toilet. Or theirs. Whichever is more convenient.