Welcome to my movie blog, containing reviews and articles. I've been writing since 2004 - with a short break during 2009.

Bitter poetry

So now I've calmed down a bit about this, let's be rational. It's only in the pipeline and may never happen.

You know, I spent quite a long time casting the Godfather remake for my own bitter, twisted amusement (Clooney is Vito! Bloom as Michael!), but it was rather petty and didn't really work.

I also turned to poetry, but it wasn't very good. Though as nobody reads my blog, it wouldnn't hurt to reprint it here:

While you're at it, also see the plans for Citizen Kane
Orson Welles' is a bad director
and it's so dull! Lets add a car chase, a few fart gags
and make Rosebud a siren in a red dress.

Casablanca's next in line
It's pretty dated too
She's a secret agent for the French resistance!
Let's add lots of steamy sex scenes!

I'm thinking about marketing
What about a special edition very expensive Battleship Potempkin pram?
A limited run pampering gift set with Fight Club soap?
A "here comes the Bride" Kill Bill Barbie for the kids?

Lets remake Zulu with Americans!
The Mission with Satanists!
The Birds with Aliens!
Schindlers List has such great comic potential...

You know, if we cut the fights, the force
The Death Star and the Jedi
Star Wars might be a half decent film.

OK, so it doesn't rhyme and I've seen only three of the movies referenced. However, I was in pain at the time and it was this or the vases hitting the wall. In retrospect, mass destruction might have been a better idea.


Much better...


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